Let it all out here

Hmm, I see. (Fortunately, I'm at home now with my AC adapter, although the weather here is humid. -_-)

Anyway, maybe you can do some other activities like reading books that can take up some of your time. You could ask your mom to buy some books for you, such as the Harry Potter series. Maybe if she sees you doing other activities, then she can't say that you're always online. (And I must admit that I'm addicted to the Internet, too. I suffer from withdrawal if I don't have it. lol)

Since your dad may not be able to help, the only other suggestion I can give is to ask your dad if you can see a counselor or psychologist? I know that costs money and all, though. Like I'm thinking that it may take a professional to get your mom to see what she's doing is wrong and that is' causing more harm than good. But then, there's something I remember. It's impossible to please some people and maybe your mom is one of those people.

I'm not really sure what else to suggest other than perhaps writing down how you feel? Like keep a diary or blog entry-something like that. Some people find it healthy to have it while others talk to friends. Overall, it's best to find a way to release all that pent up hurt and such inside because (and I know) if you keep it inside, sooner or later it explodes.

Thanks, phoenix. Yeah, that is what I do. I have a blog and I write there what I feel although I keep that blog private and all. As for a counselor or a physiologist, I doubt anyone would care to make me visit one since they all think I am perfectly fine and healthy. -_-

Ahh well, I got used to it anyway. My mother never changed. It's just one of those times, I guess.

Man, I'm so ticked off. I really didn't want to rant but after I found out about this from one of my friends, I feel the need to say something and also to ask for opinions so it doesn't look like I'm losing my mind or something. -_-

Ok, on this site I no longer go to, this certain idiot was removed as a mod because she bullied and harassed me. So I was ok with that. And then this idiot was put back as a mod and you can only imagine how ticked off I was by that. And then she was removed again because she attacked another poor member on that place. Obviously, that idiot did not learn her lesson.

And then, I just found out from one of my friends that this idiot was again put back as a mod. Now tell me-is this incredibly stupid or am I completely overreacting here? I mean, if someone doesn't learn from his/her behavior, that person should never, EVER be put back in a position of power. Who is so incredibly STUPID as to put a bully back in power?

Now tell me if anyone here thinks I'm overreacting over this. -_-

Your not overreacting at all.
Clearly that person doesnt know how to behave around others.

But there other factors you have to take into account here.
You've shown they didnt learn their lesson once but theres nothing to say they havn't learnt their lesson since then, they could be fine by now. Also they could be a valuable part of the staff on that site, and they need a high position for some reason.

So yeah I do see what your saying, in my opinion if some one had done something like that I wouldnt want them coming back.

The world just never makes sense sometimes.

Hi Kuidon,

You do make good points and I would say if it was a one-time incident, then I'd be 100% in agreement with you. I think I pointed out that the idiot, after being put back in power, ended up engaging in the same behavior, which shows that he/she didn't learn a lesson from the previous time.

But anyway, it looks like I might have jumped the gun a bit. lol I asked a couple of my friends to verify what I had heard and one of them said that this person has not been put back in power. I'll wait for my other friend to get back to me on this and if this is the case, then I guess I panicked over nothing. Let's hope so.

I am feeling sort of miserable...Although in the past few days I appeared happy and cheerful, I was just trying to cheer up myself.

No, this time I am really serious. I don't know what happened to me since I am usually not the kind of person who would be that depressed or sad, lately I have been having thoughts of suicide and taking out my own life. I know I may not do that at all but I don't know, due to the stress I have been facing lately it seems as if it's the only way to get away from this life.

So what happened, you ask? To be honest, nothing. Nothing at all. It's just that I finally realized what an idiot I have been all the time. I have lived my whole life, every single moment of it, doing things everyone else wanted and chose for me. I never had a chance to take a decision in my whole life. Sure, I had this online life in which I could choose everything, but that's because no one saw me and no one could control me. But in real life, I never ever chose anything.

My mother always chose for me. Sometimes she forced me to do things I didn't want to do. Minor and major, both. I ignored them at first, thinking that she may be doing that because she thinks that's the best for me. She always chose my clothes, the times I wake up (whether I like it or not), the glasses I wear, the type of education I get, everything. Every single thing.

Usually I didn't mind. I got used to it. It didn't matter what I thought. She just had to make the command and I'd obey. But why did I realize this now? Because life isn't getting better for me at all. It is getting more and more suckish. I am in grade 9 now, and this grade is just SO important in education in Egypt. So important that my mother wants me to spend the whole day, beginning from 8 in the morning to 10 before midnight. See how important is that? So I should do that daily, studying this amount of time everyday, and whatever is left will be checking this site and the few forums I go to. Pretty nice, right? So when am I going to draw, make my games, do anything fun? No time. Maybe in weekends, but that's only two days and I am pretty sure that's not enough time.

My mother wants to control everything in my life. Everything! She will make me enter a high school I don't want to enter, a college I don't want to enter and then force me (yes, force!) to have a job I don't want to work with. I'll admit that the job isn't bad, and it's profit-making but I won't enjoy it. I want to have a job I'll enjoy doing, not something that'll get me money.

I don't want to have a life I don't want to have. I want to control my life. It's my life, and I won't live it twice.

Not that only. My mother makes me feel useless. I know I said it million times before how she insults and humiliates me, but this has been getting into my thinking. I look at the mirror disgusted that this is me now. I feel I am useless, worthless. Unable to do anything good in life. I created this forum and I couldn't even keep it alive. It's as dead as hell now. I tried to make games and I end up canceling them or slacking as hell and making them late and suckish. I feel terrible. I feel...miserable. Like a piece of useless sh*t. I never did anything good in my life. I never did.

I don't even find a reason for me to live. And I feel guilty because of thinking that way. I feel guilty because I want to die. I sometimes hurt myself with a hard tool or anything but I've been having even suicide thoughts. Maybe it's because of my religious beliefs about suicide and how it's a bad thing that I haven't done it yet. But if I could, I would have done that long ago.

Sometimes I wish I had a shoulder to cry on, someone to comfort me when I need and show me that I am not alone. But I've never had a friend (in real life, that is) who was close enough to me. I sure had my cousin, and she is so kind and understanding but I don't live anywhere near her and I don't see her except just a month a year.

Seriously, I am feeling even guilty for writing this. I am probably not looking for advice because I've told a couple of my friends and although they both tried their best to help me, I kept blocking every single solution. It's just because I am just a coward that I can't stand up for myself. Why am I writing this here then? Dunno. Maybe to let out some emotion or something...

Yeah, just letting out some emotion. My apologizes for people who read this useless thing just now.

Love, you aren't useless, neither is your post. Even though your games may be late, they aren't that bad, I particularly enjoyed Lucky Guy, even though it was a short beta ^^'

However, the issue with your parents is a problem. If your mom insults you and humiliates you, couldn't you at least talk about it with her? She is your mom after all, and it's a parent's job to listen to your problems. Also, a thing I learned in Biology today, a secret that parents know... Many of them act the way their parents did to them. In other words, your mom's mom/dad must've acted in a similar manner... (I hope I helped a little :'( ) Perhaps they controlled your mom's lives and she grew up that way thinking it was the only way? now that I think about it, she's a lot like the normal Chinese parent >_> Forcing their child to stay up late when entrance exams are coming up... Pure BS.

And don't worry about being a coward, Love. We've all acted like one once in our life, I know I still am. And suicidal thoughts are actually normal at an age like yours. I've done so a few times before too... >_<

As for the forum issue, I check back every twenty minutes if possible, to hopefully see if anything comes up (like this!)

I don't have a solution to a lot of problems, but I hope I provide a little comfort at the very least


Time for my rant... I'm not mad, just getting super impatient about this...

I accidentally said nubcake during band on... er Wednesday, I think, and this douche behind me heard it, told me to keep it to the forums, and, being the hypocrite he is, began repeating it over and over and over and over... you get the point. what's more, he got another guy to call me nubcake everytime he saw me >_> He tried talking to me, but I just said "I don't care about what he has to say to me." I'm getting super impatient and I really hope they take a god d*mn hint soon enough >_>

Let me see if I can add to what mepwnn has said.

I do agree with all of the points he has said. The issue with your mom is a problem and it does need to be taken care of. Do you remember how I mentioned that your mom and my mom seem really similar? It's kind of eerie how true that is. O_O Like I really wish I could have stood up to my mom back then but it wasn't until later in university I finally did and she definitely didn't like it at first. However, as I've been physically apart from her, things have been better. There are times when she nags on me about stuff but it's usually by email and then I just try my best to shrug it off and not think about it too much. Otherwise, it would stress me out extremely.

I wonder how important and strict education is in your country. Here, I've found out that it really is. It's almost cruel the way they treat high school students here. O_O Like once a student enters high school, he/she will usually have to wake up around 5 a.m., go to school, then take after school prep classes, and they would usually not get home until around 11 p.m. And then they have to stay up late to do their homework and then you can only imagine what time they go to bed. From what I've heard (since I didn't grow up here but in the US, where I think things are better), students will only get 3 hours sleep. Man, I don't think people can function on 3 hours of sleep a night. O_O This is all because entering a university is so important and that's all determined by a national exam. If students do well on it, they go to a great university. Personally, I think it's very unfair that where you go to university is determined by one exam and as I'm an educator (well, a private school English Academy teacher but still), I've been trying to get this changed. My dad and I are both in the teaching profession and we have contacts in government and all that so we're trying to change things for the better. I've heard stories on how a few students have committed suicide because of how the system is and I don't wish that to happen on future students, no matter how good the intentions may be.

But back to what you've said, you have the right to decide what you want to do with your life, which university you want to go, etc. You may not be able to control which high school to go to. (I actually did try to do this a long time ago and I almost succeeded but stupid government BS and all that.) But on the other aspects, it's your life, not your mom's. She needs to understand this and accept it although she doesn't have to like it. You're young so if you want, you can start searching for good universities in your country or even out of country. And I think it's safe to say that if you can be physically away from your mom (I don't think you have any problems with your dad?), then you can have more control over your life.

On the matter of free time, it's the life of growing up. I remember what that was like although back then, we didn't have the Internet. (People wonder how we survived back then. lol) But I know what it's like to want free time to do the things you want to do but you can't or don't have the time to. I think you need ways to destress and posting here is one good way. I've suggested it before but blogging helps, too. In addition, some people like to go out and exercise their anger and frustration out and I've heard that it's good since it releases endorphins. As for me, what I do to let all of that emotion out is sometimes simply to cry. Like I don't think it's cowardly to do so and it shows that you're human and then if people see that, sometimes they'll get off your case. Also, you probably know that I'm addicted to gaming. lol I've found that it helps me to release some of that emotion, too.

As to SFG, I feel partially responsible for this. I don't want you to take all the burden regarding the activity. I have been busy with stuff in real life so I haven't been able to take care of things here as much as I wish although I make it a point to come here everyday generally. I might take a look into how to liven things up around here. I'm sure that there must be some tips out there on how to make a forum active. And even when I'm not logged in here, like mepwnn, I do check here frequently. I'm ghosting more than anything but I am here in case anything needs to get taken care of and all that. ^^

Eeek, sorry for the long post, Love, but I hope it helps a bit. ^^

@mepwnn:

Man, sounds like this guy is a jerk. Unfortunately, there are some idiots out there. Hopefully, this is something that they'll end up forgetting in a day or two but if it becomes more serious, let me know and I'll see if I can come up with some more meaningful advice.

Thanks all for your comments.

@mepwnn: I know what you mean. I remember that my mother told me more than once how her mother made her do most of housework. But it's not like I do not do that. I take care of most of housework, too. It's just that in this time, things have been easier, you know? Like at my mother's time, there were no vacuum cleaners or laundry automatic washers. But now there are so things are easier than they were for her. But is it some fault of mine?

However, her mother didn't control her at all or controlled her life in anyway. In fact, her mother let her so much freedom when it came to education, getting out, etc. It makes me wonder why is she so strict on me then but I think that it's because she thinks that if she let me freedom as well, I'll end up being on the "bad girls". What's she thinking, I have no idea.

@phoenix:

I don't blame you one bit for the forum inactivity at all. You are an admin, too, but I created this forum so I should have taken care more of it from the beginning. But I didn't have any experience when I created it and thus I am to blame.


You know, now that I think about it...I kind of think it's better if I "retire" (man, how silly this sounds.) Since I am not going to have much free time to do anything once school starts, I might give up on game-making and the website making at all. Like finish the current game I am working on and almost finished with, release it, and then forget that there was ever something called Snow Flower Games. This means probably forgetting about a dream I've dreamed of for so long...but it's not like I have a choice on the matter.

O_O Gosh, I don't think you should give up on this place. I do agree that there hasn't been much activity but it could also be the timing? I think that now, a lot of people are back in school so they may not go online much.

But you know, I don't think it matters whether there are a lot of people or very few as long as you enjoy it for what it is.

If you're going to be busy because of school and such, I can keep the place going. That might mean allowing me to come up with ideas and going through with them without approval. (I think up to now, for anything major, I've always asked you before going through with an idea.) I could bring in some help perhaps.

And if you close this place down, Alex, Bryan, and Greg are going to get on my case. Those guys will be crying and I just won't know what to do then. O_O

I know and it's not that it has to do with people coming only, you know. I mean, people go to a forum because they like it's content. Since this is a gaming forum, there is a need to see games made by the company. But if the person who makes those games is not here and doesn't have time to make games, what will keep the forum running?

I do trust you, phoenix, and I know that the forum is in safe hands with you, but it's not going to survive much if I don't have the motivation to work.

Hmm, well, perhaps you need to take a break from things for a while? I mean, figure out if making games is something you want to do. Like I think people here would understand the need to take a break from things for a while and all and that's ok.

And if you do decide that you no longer feel like making games, that doesn't mean that you need to take down this place. Like some of the people here like anime, too, so perhaps it can be changed to have a more anime-type feel. There are some forums purely dedicated to anime and all.

Honestly, I'd feel sad if this place was gone. Like I found happiness here after, well you-know-what, happened last year. I didn't think I would but I did and it's become home to me. This is like the only forum I go to regularly. (Nowadays I just don't have the time to go on other forums, which I do feel bad about it but there isn't much I can do about it.)

I'll understand if in the end, you feel that you want to take it down but I should note that there are other forums out there with a lot of inactivity but yet they keep going. I believe Paloma has her own forum and it's been really slow (worse than here, I think). But yet it's still there.

I say don't give up. Sometimes things look so bad but then unexpected good things are just on the horizon. I hope that this is the case for you, Love, as I value you highly as a friend and SFG has become home to me. ^^

Don't get me wrong. I love game making a lot, and my dream was always to make a game people will like and enjoy. But this dream seems to be now going no where, you know? I might not close this forum down but it will die alone, sooner or later, and then I won't look any good. I've had a dream but I couldn't make it come true.

I really don't want to close this place down, because it made me gain some new friends and get closer to my old ones.

Yeah. Don't be so discouraged about it, Love. We (me, mepwnn, secretflayer, and some others) will be here to give you a hand. Who knows, out of member collaboration, we can make something which will wake the site up.

You are good in drawing. I know you are.

Come on sis....You never gave up before....
I mean its your choice...but i know how much you love making games...Dont fell down just because things a lil slow...they will get better....

I cant really say anything that everyone hasnt already said.
But from personal experiance Ive found the teen years to be the worst, Im only only coming out of them now, but life has improved alot over the last couple of years.
And dont give up on your dreams/goals, you might not have alot of free time at the moment, but use what you do have wisely. One day your gona have a lot more time and your gona want to be doing something you enjoy. =)

Good luck with life,
And stay around cause Im sure there is a lot of people who dont want to see you go.

Teen years kind of suck... But hey, afterwards, your life is gonna be more stressed what with jobs and all, so might as well enjoy your teen years!

Time for me to rant again:

Remember the two douchebags I mentioned earlier on? Yeah, they're back to annoy me. So during a passing period between first and second period (classes for those of you who don't know atm), I was sitting down (because as of now, my first and second are the same) and one of the douches came by and started dancing (more like crouching, though >_>) and saying nubcakes nubcakes over and over and over again. He even asked the other douche to join in. Boy, I was ready to hit him right in the face with my saxophone... but the teacher came in and he stopped.

The same douches earlier were talking sh*t behind my back. They thought I was stupid because I said "one, two!" too loud >_> It's a marching band thing, it'd take too long to explain. Then they were whispering: "Dude, that guy is stupid..." or "what a retard!"

The amount of irony here is, quite frankly, amazing. My grades are better than theirs (so therefore, I'm not stupid) and they're being hypocritical because they told ME to keep it to the forums and yet they're spamming it like it's a new friggin fad.

Oh, apparently my new name is nubcakes >_>

mepwnn is right about jobs being stressful and all. I'm in the process of thinking of changing jobs although I'm a bit conflicted about that. Anyway...

@mepwnn:

Hmm have you told a teacher or an adult in your school what those jerks have been doing? Or perhaps your parents? Some teenagers are jerks (I've had my fair share of them, believe me -_-). They do need to stop because it sounds like it's getting annoying. However, if you think it's better to ignore them and hope that they stop due to boredom, then that might work, too.

Thanks, Phoenix

And yeah, I think they got bored or offended when one guy asked I hated them and I responded Yes >_> (It's not really hate, just annoyed as heck, but that would possibly cause them to continue if I said annoyed...)

*sigh* I was going to wait until I heard from a couple of people about this to give more specifics but this is really weighing me down and I feel like I'm about to cry or something unless I find a way to express how I feel. So here it is. (And yup, this is a rant and there might be screaming because this is how upset I am.)

I had this feeling of anger and hurt inside for a while now. I found out sometime back that one of my supposed friends talked to another of my friends behind my back, implying that I was a crazy person because I felt so strongly that people need to know the truth about certain people and places. Now I don't think I did ANYTHING that would warrant me being called crazy. I admit that I am passionate about some things and that when I join a cause, I fight for it hard and with all of my heart. But I don't think I'm crazy because I do that.

So being called crazy upset me and I hadn't talked to this person for a while even though he sent me a message pretending like everything was ok between us. So then I decided that I needed to tell this person exactly how I felt and so I did. I told him how much it hurt me that he implied that I was crazy and that he talked about me behind my back when either he should have talked to me about it or ignored the matter entirely. He only made the situation worse, in my opinion. Then I told him that I couldn't trust him because of this. (There are other factors, too, though, besides this one incident that makes me feel that I can't trust him.)

So I tried to be as delicate and yet truthful as I could and tell him that I wanted to be distant from him and that he would have to take the effort to regain my trust. But then he gets into my business and says things like how I should let the evil people (meaning the bullies, the liars, the cheats, those who have nothing better to do in their lives than to gossip about good people behind their backs) just get away with those things. He might as well have said that allow the murderers and rapists of the world get away with their crimes. What total BS. (Yeah, I just cursed and it's rare that I do so publicly. lol) (BTW, such terrible people as those whom I just mentioned tend to become criminals or become bums with low-paying jobs so don't ever become one of them. lol) I got upset to the point that I wanted to cry. I feel that he will never understand how I feel and that he thinks that bad people should continue getting away with their behavior. Now maybe it's just me but if I was on the street and I saw a bad person stealing an elderly lady's purse, I wouldn't allow that criminal to get away with it but this is what my "friend" is saying.

Later, he did apologize for this behavior but this isn't the first time I've felt such hurt from him. He isn't delicate with his words and I want friends around me who will respect my feelings and opinions although they don't have to agree with them. Also, I definitely don't want friends around me who LIE. I feel in a way that he has lied to me and not just on this matter. Well, one can see why I don't trust him much.

So here's the thing. Although we used to be close, I feel like we're different people now. I think I'm a good person but at the same time, I don't allow the bad people to win. Because if they do, then good people die, etc. (Well, don't want to get into a whole long speech about that. lol) So I guess what I want to do is break off the friendship with him. At first, I didn't really want to but as I'm looking at things and after what happened today, I feel like it may be for the best. I don't want to continue feeling this hurt and I feel like if he doesn't understand what trust in friendship means and what it means to be a good friend, I don't want to put myself out there for him when I feel that it won't be reciprocated.

But would I be a bad person if I no longer wanted to be friends with him? Part of me feels like I would be but I don't want to continue feeling angry, sad, or upset to the point of crying. I guess I need another point of view before figuring things out further.

First off, let me give you a hug. :hug:

From what I read, you wouldn't be a bad person if you do break off things with that guy. After all, you did tell him honestly how you felt about him so you gave him a chance to change and respect how you feel at times. Unfortunately for him, he didn't use that chance. I don't know, but I have always thought that people who defend liars, bullies, etc are just one of them.

I don't really have much to say here (because I shouldn't be here actually lol), but I am just saying that you would have been a bad person if you broke things off without giving the guy a chance to apologize. Sure, he did, but it seems that he isn't really the person one would like to have as a friend. No one should blame you if you don't want troubles, no one really does.

So I hope you feel better soon, phoenix, and I am sorry I couldn't put much info here. :hug:

Thank you, Love. I needed a friendly voice (well, I can imagine how beautiful and kind your voice is ^^) to help me out. I wasn't sure what to do but now that I have a little advice on the situation, this will help things out and it's definitely something I needed.

We do have many of the same opinions and I do think that those who defend the bullies, liars, etc., are just one of them, even if they don't realize it. I did tell my friend what someone else whom I thought was a nice person did and he didn't react like he was shocked by it. I think most reasonable people would have been. lol

Anyway, I'll sleep on it and I think tomorrow, I'll break things off. I just want to be happy and have some peace and be around friends who understand me, respect me for who I am (both the good and bad), and can be there for me when I need them. After all, I think that's what friendship is about. ^^

Thank you, Love. You are truly a wonderful friend.

Been a long time since I posted in here but since I can't take any medication to help me sleep-long story short, our drinking water is way too hot to drink and I can't take that with my medicine lol-I might as well rant in here. Well, not sure if this is really a rant as a way more that I'm upset about some stuff that happened today and it all just exploded to a point when I was lying in my bed in tears-a rare thing nowadays-and then I can't take any medication so I needed a way to feel a little better so posting here about my day might help.

It's stupid, really, but it's just one stupid thing after another. Guess I need to start from the beginning.

On Sundays-only on Sundays-I usually go out in the morning for my language lesson. This was something that my dad wanted for me a while back and I had no problem with this so I agreed. Anyway, since I had to go out in the morning, that would mean I need to get washed up and such. Now I can go without eating if I need to but I usually need to have my coffee-to be awake-and to wash up-to be presentable. Of course, getting dressed as well but that goes without saying. lol Anyway, I was waiting patiently to use the bathroom. We only have one bathroom here btw. And my uncle kept using it and wouldn't leave. Now everyone in the house knows that I go out every Sunday morning. This has been happening for a while now and it hasn't changed so I would have thought that my family would have been considerate enough to let me go with my morning routine. On other days, it doesn't matter since when I usually have to get ready doesn't conflict with others'. So because I had to wait to use the bathroom, subsequently I was late to my lesson and I hate being late.

So that was the first thing. I had my language lesson and then stayed over for lunch like usual. Then I wanted to get home and get some rest, as for the past couple of days, my sleeping pattern has been off-and it looks like it's going to be worse tonight since I'm not even sure if I can fall asleep at all in my state. But the place where I have my lesson-there are a couple of children there btw-wanted me to stay. Now normally this wouldn't be a big deal but I was pretty tired. But I didn't want to be rude so I agreed to stay for a little while. Then it got late and late in the day and then it got to a time where I had to go home because otherwise, my family would worry and would ask why I was late, etc. They get on my case if I'm home way late although I'm an adult, can take care of myself, and all that. So I told the people at my place that I had to go home and there was no way that I could stay later unless I text messaged my family. They wanted me to do that so I could stay later but at that point, I said no. I was really tired and this annoyed me because this isn't the first time they've done this to me. Now I'm a pretty nice person, I think, but why can't people take the hint when others are tired? I mean, am I selfish that I just wanted to go home and get some rest?

So then as I'm leaving, I meet one of the other residents at the place where I have my lesson and he found out that I'm an English teacher and wanted me to tutor him. Now this made me a little happy, as I've been looking for my work. I told him how much I usually charge and he said that it was too much-although this was something my dad had set upon long ago. Then I told him that I would be willing to charge a little less if he wanted the lessons on the same day as I had my language lesson. It would save on traveling expenses and all that. But he told me that he couldn't do that. Well, we talked and he explained his situation and all and I told him that I'd think on it. I knew that I'd have to talk to my dad as well about it.

Well, as I'm talking to him, one of the parents where I have my language lesson saw me talking to him and then through another, she advised me not to take the lesson because he was a stranger and all. Now I actually do agree on this point but the work situation hasn't been so good. Also, I wouldn't have normally been annoyed by this but it made me wonder if she didn't want me to earn some extra money on the side. Like I'd been pretty nice to her and to her children to help with their English and all and I hadn't been charging for it. However, I feel like it's unfair that they keep taking advantage of me like that. I honestly don't want to continue giving out free English language advice unless I get paid for it. It's different if they ask me every once in a while but it's like every time I go there.

Then I finally get home although late because people kept hindering me and then I wanted to use the bathroom to wash up and guess what? My uncle is there again hogging it. Now I wouldn't mind this since it was the evening but after what happened in the morning, I was just about fed up.

Well, that was pretty much my day. And then I broke down in tears, as other stupid things kept popping up. Just mostly online things with stuff being slow and all but it's like if one stupid thing is on top of another, then it gets to me. I'm probably just having a bad day and I really wish I could take some sleeping medication to go to sleep. I need it when I have days like this, which is rare but still. But then we don't have any drinking water and here I am. I guess what's bothered me about all of this is that I feel like a lot of these things are out of my control, like people are telling me what to do. I know it's weird since I'm an adult and all but it just feels like that my whole life. I don't know if it's because I'm a nice person so people think that they can tell me what to do. I know I should stand up for myself and say stuff, like how I'd like it if the bathroom was free at a certain time in the morning or to ask people not to bother me if I don't want to stay longer. But then it makes me think that I sound like a b**** if I say these things. And then it reminds me of how I tried to stand up to my mom when I didn't agree with her on something and then she made me sound like I'm this horrible evil person. Kind of reminds me of a couple of online idiots I had to deal with.

So yeah, that was my day. Not sure if there's any advice for all of this but I just needed to say something. I'll probably look like a wreck in the morning but I don't care. I kind of expect that's what's going to be the case. I just wish that some people would take the hint not to bother me. I know that sounds selfish but I'm human. Is that too much to ask?