Let it all out here

I'm feeling a little better today but I thought I'd rant a bit about this anyway. (Some idiot had the nerve to post on one of my walls for the Facebook games and meh, I spent quite a bit of time deleting the offensive posts. )

Anyway, this is the latest thing that's been bothering me. It's really over something so stupid but honestly, I can't believe some people. This past weekend was pretty bad and it was partly because of stuff that happened in real life. However, the rest of the weekend could have been salvageable had it not been for some idiot who had the nerve to try to dictate how I play one of the Facebook games. She got annoyed because I put her on a bounty list (although to be fair, I did post on my wall that I would bounty anyone who made 4 or more attacks against me and this woman definitely did that). It wasn't personal and I made it a point to make that clear but this woman took it personally and had the nerve to say that I don't understand how the game works and that I should be playing something else like Mario if I couldn't deal with it. What a total hypocrite. She's the one who can't handle the way I play the game. I can understand if she doesn't like the way that I play it but she should at least respect it. In no way have I ever told this woman not to make any more multiple attacks if that's what she wants to do but there are those (like myself) who will think that they're taking it personally. (And I know it's silly to get worked up over it but people like that just ruin the fun out of a game.)

This also reminds me of something that happened to one of my friends recently. She posted something and then this crazy woman had the nerve to try to censor what she said. Honestly, it was over something so stupid and other normal people wouldn't have bothered getting so worked up over it. However, I guess the crazy idiot had nothing better to do with her time than to control what people say and think.

It makes me wonder how there can be such idiots out there in the world.

Some people do not know the meaning of the word "game". *sigh*

Guys, Im sorry but I've a majorly long rant here, and I need some advice and to just get this off my chest or I'll just snap ;o; Hope you don't mind... (Most I just copied and pasted from my DA journal...)

Anyway, I've not been having a good week.
The situation with my parents is just getting worse. Mum's constantly coming to me with her problems and although I'm always here for her, when it gets to the point she's /repeating/ herself all the time, it gets annoying; and there's only so much I can take of it before things get me down. Especially when you try to give advice and she never takes it. Then wonders why things are going wrong.. ToT

Last week, there was an arguement between my bro and my mum, and Im not clear on whathappened, but mum went for a walk; dad got fed up, thinking she may have been drinking by the time she came home, and went also. Mum didn't come back the next morning, before she went to hospital (She had to make sure there was nothing left over from her op last year; just to make sure everything was ok..) and whilst I was at college, there was an arguement, and my dad hasn't come back home (properly anyway) since. He's been staying at a friends.

So thursday, I come home from college to find the whole street outside, 2 police cars, and an ambulance down my street. That alone made me panic and feel awkward, but then to have the neighbours tell you its for /your/ house? I wasn't happy. And the whole thing made me rather angry. I won't say they were there for no reason, but they certainly wasn't needed; and the fact I'd panicced /so/ much and found out nothing was wrong just made me /slightly/ irritated.
It turns out my bro had come home from school, and decided my mum was drunk, so he hid the bottles of alcohol. Then he reckons, quote: "I was calm as anything, right, and then she grabbed me round the throat, and almost strangled me. I had to push her over to get her off me." And the problems with this statement?
Well, if she was as drunk as he was making out, I know for a /fact/, through past experience, he would not be "Calm as anything". In fact, he'd be shouting swearing, pushing her around, and possibly hitting her. He always does; he thinks he can control her.
So he acted all innocent in front of the police, trying to make out its all her fault. And although mum got into no trouble, which Im glad she didnt, it made me rather angry that cops then tried to pass off my bros attitude when my mum tried to tell them as "typical teenage behaviour". Yes, a typical teenager tries to run at their sister with a knife; thinks they can control their own parents and do what ever they like; thinks its ok to swear at and attack their own mother when their father isn't around.

And then to top it off, what happens when the cop leaves?
"Right mum, Im f*cked off now, as soon as dad gets a flat, im f*cking leaving, I hate your f*cking guts." ... yeah, /so/ innocent and calm D<
He makes everyone believe he's such a nice, innocent kid. Especially his doctor. But /no-one/ knows what he's like at home, and no one believes us. It frustrates me /so/ much. ;o; He almost got me with a knife for goodness sake last year, but because mum didnt want him in trouble, she played it down to the cops saying she got the knife from him. In truth, he still had hold of it. The only thing stopping him was mum was stood in front of me. But what if he'd hurt her too? ToT

And so every day this week, I've come home, and there's been virtually no peace. My bro keeps having a go at mum for stupid things, and it keeps erupting into huge arguements. I just can't take anymore =C

And to add to that, work has decided to mark me down as "unacceptable" in all areas of my work. Apparently, I dont smile enough (Hard to when everyone else looks so gloomy; but I try to smile at every customer >.< No one ever sees it though darn it!), Im not fast enough, even though Chris (who was telling me this) sat there and said himself "I think you're pretty quick myself. Though, try to speed it up a little bit, yeah?", apparently my team work isn't good enough, even though I always try to help others out and I always do what I'm told to. AND apparently my getting orders right isn't good enough either; when I RARELY get things wrong! Im so sick of it! Why does /no-one/ ever have anything good to say about my work? /ever/? T-T I try my very best!! Why doesn't anyone see that? ='(

I'm worried about my friend Sean. I know he hasn't been able to get a computer lately, but I miss him and I just hope he's ok; he told me not so long ago that he often feels really depressed, and that if it weren't for me, he doesn't think he'd be here anymore ToT That really upset me; although I don't get much chance to him, he really is like a little brother to me (even though he's slightly older >.>; but he acts like he's younger, lol?). He wouldn't tell me whats wrong, because he doesn't want to add to my problems or something like that, he said, but... =c I don't mean to be nosy, but I wish he'd tell me. I don't like to see him sad, and I feel so helpless not knowing because I can't find much of a way to help him ToT
He's coming with us in July to a cosplay meet-up 'coz he only lives in Birmingham, so he's gonna get a /major/ glomp from me, but still.. =c I hope he's alright..

And I'm also worried about Kyou-kun too... He hasn't been on MSN since he told me he felt pissed off, and he didn't want to tell me why he was incase he snapped I just hope he's ok... I hate seeing my friends sad ToT

I know its a /lot/ to read guys, and Im sorry, but I just need someone to talk to, and some advice =c

O_O Man, Westie, you sure are going through a lot right now.

I'm not sure how I can help out in all aspects but it sounds to me like your home situation is dangerous. I do understand that your mom wants to protect your brother and all but when it comes to the point that people's lives are in danger, that's when it's time to say that your brother needs some help. Maybe it's not the best course of action to go to the police but perhaps have some family counseling? I would say to find someone qualified who can sit down with all of your family members and talk things out. Try to find out why your brother acts the way he does.

As for work, well, I've been there. Sometimes it's difficult to please some people and it's a matter of life. All I can say is to try your best and if that's not good enough for your employer and you feel that the work situation is too stressful, then you may want to consider searching for another job. I know that's easier said than done, considering the economy and all, but that's what I would do.

And with your friends, the only thing I can think of is to perhaps contact other friends whom they're in frequent contact with and find out how they're doing through them. If you happen to have their phone numbers, you may want to call them, even if it's just to talk for a couple of minutes and say hi and that you're thinking about them.

I hope things will work out for you, Westie, and we're always here if you ever need to talk.

Thanks Phoenix *hugs*

We've tried counselling, my bro has a doctor who he sees every now again because he has Tourettes, and the doctor doesn't believe he plays up at home; as said, my bro acts like he does no wrong and people believe him all the time. SO that kinda doesn't work =(

As for work, maybe you're right... the only problem is they're the only people that wanted to give me a job. >.< I tried so many places before and nobody would take me on...

And Sean and Kyou.. Kyou I can ask Nikki about, /when/ im able to next talk to her, but Sean I can only really contact over the computer... I have his number, but he's no credit and I've little credit to phone myself right now... He's not on 02 so my unlimited minutes don't apply. Plus I dunno whether it'd freak him out or anything, since we've only spoken on the internet so far >.>; I know tat sounds kinda dangerous, but I've known him for years and he hasn't given me any reson suspect him or anything. He seems honest enough, and has shown me some photos on his website and such.

..Thanks for the adivce Phoenix *hugs again*

I need some cheering up, really. I've been in a depressed mood for a long time and I don't know what to do.

The problem is, I don't know actually know why am I depressed. I just feel so down and every once in a while, I will cry many tears and I even began hurting myself with a sharp tool. Like two days ago, I took my a sharpened pin and began hitting my arm with it. In the end, my arm was full of bruises. And even so, I sometimes think of taking a medicine that belongs to my brother and I am not supposed to have it as it causes me getting dizzy, fainting, etc. Yet I feel of taking it.

Perhaps the main cause of my stress is my exams. I've passed the English and French exams excellently and the teachers are all proud. But I knew before taking the exams that I would do good. And now I have more exams on the other subjects and I feel as if I am going to fail or get bad grades. And the worst thing is that my mum threatened me that if I don't get good grades, it's over. No internet for me for a whole year! A whole year without internet might sound nothing to some people but for me it's like death because net is all I have. I have no friends in real life and my cousins and family live far way from where I live (although I live with them now but I will travel after the exams are over). I do not go to clubs, I do not hang out with anyone. I spend 24 hours online in the summer holiday. Now what if my mother forbids me from it? What would I do? Hurt myself to death?

And my mother herself is not helping either. Always shouting, always yelling. I may be in a very good mood because I did something good and then suddenly with a yell she would make me upset to tears. I am tired of it. She always wants me to do everything without learning even. She even wants me to study in the summer holiday along with cleaning the whole apartment, washing, ironing and everything a married woman would do!

And my health is not in it's best either. I have this Alopecia Areta disease along with this flu that doesn't want to go away and just worsens day by day. And my father is away from me as well (he is still in UAE) and I am worried about him because he is still sick and he lives alone now although we talk to him everyday.

I am so depressed, tired and stressed. Sometimes I think of dying and I no longer enjoy doing anything.

Awww, sweetie. Before I say anything, I want to give you a hug.

Now I've read what you've posted and all. Of course, I'm not a psychologist or anything like that so I'm not qualified to say what is wrong. However, hurting yourself like that is very dangerous and you should see a psychologist about it or at the very least a counselor. If you can't approach your mom on the subject (and believe me, I've been there so I understand), then I would talk to your dad-perhaps through email or on the phone. Be honest with him and tell him what's been going on and see how he can help. It sounds like you're much closer to your dad than to your mom and I think I've said some of this to you before but in a way, your situation is similar to the way I grew up.

Now on forbidding you from going online for a whole year, I think that's extremely harsh. Maybe a week or a month at the most but a year is crazy. This is only my opinion, though, and I'm not a parent or anything. It sounds to me like your mom may have some problems going on inside of her and she isn't letting other people see what they are. She may be unleashing them on you for some unknown reason and I do think it's unfair of her to do that to you. However, it may explain why she's behaving the way that she does. (If your mom is a little similar to how my mom used to be, she may be keeping certain secrets bottled up inside her.)

I do think that you should have friends outside of the Internet and that may be difficult because of your situation. I think that you need perhaps some stability in your life. The moving around, traveling, etc., may be causing your health situation although I'm only guessing here. You may want to approach your parents and tell them how you feel about the constant moving around and so forth. If you have relatives that you are close to who stay in one place (preferably safe), then you may want to consider living with them. I know that sounds hard but this is what I would do. However, I would suggest talking all of this out with either your parents or a counselor or psychologist and see what they think. They may very well have an entirely different perspective from what I just said.

I hope that things will work out for you, Love, and I sure hope you'll be around this summer. I'll try my best to be online more and available to chat if you want to talk further and all. Take care. ^^

Thanks a lot for the hug and advice, phoenix.

I do know that hurting myself isn't useful and is dangerous but it's like that I find no one to talk to and I unleash my anger and sadness on myself. I do know that's not right but I do not know what to do else. And I can't visit a psychologist cause I can't do that without my parents' knowledge because they wouldn't let me. My mother thinks I am perfectly fine and she mocks me if I ever tell her I am lonely or sad. And my father knows nothing about how I feel so he would find it pointless to let me visit a one.

And in real talk, I am not close to my father. Actually, I am much far from him than from my mother. And I am afraid I do not have the courage to speak to him nor to my mother, because if I do, all what I would get is mocking and mocking.

And I think I said it before but my family, especially my cousins, are not the very good-natured family and my parents know that so they wouldn't want to let me stay with anyone of them although I would wish to.

When I think about it, it seems that I have no real life and my whole life is just on net. Outside it, I feel valueless.

*hugs for Love*
Learning hard so that you'll pass the exams well... and trust in yourself! Even if it's hard learning it will be worth it in the end when you're successful in the tests.

For me it also would be horrible to be without the net for so long and a year is really too much. In case your mother really wants to forbid you from it you should try to negotiate so that the time without internet is shorter, or agree on certain time how frequently and how long you'll be allowed to use the net.

And it would be good for you to find some other things to entertain you too, because it's not healthy to focus so much only on one activity. Even if you don't have many opportunities to meet other people and make friends you can find hobbies you can do alone. You can try exercising [even just at home if you don't have opportunity to go to a sport club], going to a library and search for good books, drawing, writing, attend a course of a musical instrument or something else you're interested in, if there's an opportunity and if your mother lets you... if you find such an activity it will make you happier and also more confident about yourself.

Blessings to you, dear

Sorry i havent been online everyone, ive just been really mad at a friend of mine.

for 2 years he's lied to me and stole from me, and yet i gave him so many chances but he really made me mad assuming that i was trying to take the girl he liked (I dont find any attraction to her personally) but then he uses my ex to try and make a low blow to my pride. but ive changed so much that i wont take crap anymore, and now that he's afraid of me he wants to apologize.

Im just so sick of the darkness of people's hearts and everyone i thought i knew betraying me

Looks like it's time for me to rant. (And I'm sorry that I wasn't able to help, Kai. But I do hope that things with your friend have become better or at least stable.)

I know that everyone is going to see this and frankly, I don't care. But honestly, I've had enough of this one person. Now out of consideration, I'm not going to say this person's name or specify a gender. I'll just call this person a guy to keep things neutral although it may or may not be a guy.

I was chatting with a couple of my friends earlier and this had me very upset. For a while now, I've been happy. I haven't had to deal with idiots or liars and I've had some peace in my life. However, this one person (and some of you may be able to guess who this is) continues to gossip about me and he refuses to stop. I'm not sure if anyone will agree with me but I don't think forums are places to gossip about people, to say bad, insulting things about a person. Especially those who are in a position of power like an administrator shouldn't ever be saying bad things about a member or former member, no matter how they may feel personally about them. I can assure everyone here that I've NEVER gossiped about any member here on the forum. We do have an admin and mods forum which is private but not ONCE have I ever used it to badmouth a person. Now if someone is causing trouble on the forums by breaking the rules, then of course, that's different. Otherwise, I don't engage in such gossip partly because I'm a human being and a lady on top of that.

However, this certain person made it a point to gossip and badmouth me because he believed that I was stalking him, which is absolutely ridiculous. Honestly, I have better things to do with my time. And on top of that, calling me a RECLUSE?! How dare! I have a very active SOCIAL life, go out with my friends a lot, hang out with my family, and have lots of friends online. I have more friends than this idiot ever will! Then I find out that this person may have intentionally used my real name to badmouth me in a product that he's going to release soon. Now I don't know if that really is the case or not but this hurts so much. This (I want to say a bad word here but I'll refrain from doing so) has no life but to call my attention. He doesn't care who he hurts in the process.

I just want justice done and this person to be punished. My friends are worried because they think this person is dangerous and I agree. I think this person should be locked away in a mental institution for life for refusing to leave me alone. In fact, I can cite quite enough examples to legally sue this person but I haven't because I'm a nice person. However, my niceness has just about run out. I really, really wish for people like this to not win. I want justice and I hope that I can have it soon. Then I can have peace at last and this person will finally learn his lesson. Don't BULLY or HARASS nice people or you'll get punished.

Sheesh, I have a feeling I know who are you talking about, phoenix. First, let me give you a hug to comfort you.

Now I think everyone does agree that such people behave illegally and so irrationally. I don't know if they have a conscience in the first place.

Anyway, from what I read now, I think that person has really gotten over the limits. Now I think that people like these shouldn't be let out in the society like that. If there is a way to stop them, it should be done for the peace of everyone's mind.

I just want to say, phoenix, that if you can stop that person and put for him limits, you should do it immediately. And try to ignore his actions, because as much as it hurts and it can be over your nerves, everyone knows that what is that person doing is completely wrong. (Even if there are some people out there who trust that person, I am sure that won't stay long.) Evil people don't win and in the end, justice has to be shown no matter how much the evil looks to be winning.

So calm down, phoenix, and don't care much about it. Truth sure will be shown soon. And also, try to avoid getting news about that person or knowing anything about him. That way, you can keep your mind peaceful and away from that person's news.

Hi Love,

Thanks for the hug. I needed it.

I do agree. It's best not to get news regarding this evil person but I suppose whenever I hear that he/she is going around attacking me and then other people, it makes me sick that such a person can get away with heinous behavior. I try not to dwell on it and most days, I don't. I have my friends here, Facebook, chats, and real life whom I go to for comfort and fun. Also, I have plenty of family with me so I feel lucky and blessed. I don't think the same can be said for that other person. I do hope that the truth will be revealed soon. I think that's what I'd want to see done and well, certain events following that, I can be happy at last to get such an evil person off my back.

I am thinking if there is a way to stop this person. There may be but I need to be careful about it, of course. I'll see what happens.

Thanks again, Love. I really appreciate the comfort and your friendship throughout all of this. ^^

It's late where I am and I should be sleeping and all but after the horrible day I had, which finally resulted in me crying in tears in bed and the nighttime headache medicine not working, I figured that I'd come here and post my rant. And hopefully, it'll help to release all those emotions out. (Fortunately, it looks like my comp mouse is working at the moment.)

So here's how my day went. I wake up as usual and then go on my comp to do some work. I mix my work with surfing the Internet since I tend to multi-task and all that. So then I go on this other site where I said that if someone is dissatisfied with a product or service, they should ask for a refund or exchange from the company. Now I said that because that's how customer service tends to work. Bigger companies especially do this for their customers because if they don't, the customers get angry and they'll never buy anything from them again. I had nothing against the product itself (well, maybe just a little but it had nothing to do with why I made that recommendation). But this idiot had the nerve to say that I was rude in making such a suggestion. How stupid can some people be? Honestly. It makes me so sick how some people are ignorant and yet once the lies are exposed, some people still continue to believe them as well as the liar. Probably dowsing them with water or putting them on fire to wake them up won't help any. So just to make sure that I wasn't crazy in making my suggestion, I asked a few of my friends, including one who's a lawyer, whether my suggestion was uncalled for. They all said that I said exactly the right thing. If a person is dissatisfied with a product or service, they have a right to demand a refund. That's why there are consumer rights (protected under federal law) to protect customers from getting scammed. Now regarding the product in question, I do believe that the company scammed people based on what was described about it. Thus, they have a right to ask for their money back and if the company refuses to give them a refund, these people can go to a lawyer and bring up a lawsuit against it. Personally, I'm hoping that those who did file complaints which weren't resolved to their dissatisfaction stand up for themselves and ask for refunds. As customers, they have a right to get the most out of what they buy, no matter how much or little it costs.

So this idiot totally annoyed me. Next, later in the day, I was on the comp doing some work and had my IM on the busy signal and indicated that I was working. Now most people take the hint and don't poke me. Very few people can do so without me getting annoyed about it. Now one of my friends poked me on IM (and I was already in a bad mood as it was) and wanted to chat. She was asking quite a few impertinent questions and it was very annoying. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't have minded but I was feeling down and the last thing I wanted was to chat nonstop. (That reminded me of why I keep myself invisible on IM most of the time.) I probably should have kept myself invisible but I made myself appear because I was waiting for someone to come online. But she never did.

Third incident. I'm on Facebook, doing my usual activities and so forth. Then all of a sudden, one of the apps goes crazy. There had been errors on that site for the past couple of days and they've been getting annoying. So I click on something (single-click btw) and all of a sudden, all of my items start disappearing. It totally upset me because I worked hard to get all of those items and then they were all gone like that. I find out later that for some stupid reason, my mouse made it look like I double-clicked stuff (which I didn't). I contacted the app developers about the problem but honestly I don't know if I'll get my stuff back. Now at that point, I just wanted to get off the comp altogether but I was chatting with another friend at the time and I didn't want to just suddenly leave him like that.

So now it looks like my mouse is working although I look at it very skeptically, like it has a mind of its own or something. At least on a little good news, my dad is going to bring back my old mouse in the morning. That one has always been reliable so I want to have it around in case this stupid current mouse starts acting up again.

So that has been my day. I know it sounds petty but I suppose what upset me and all was that first incident of the day I posted earlier. Like when I was in bed and crying a little while ago, it let out all the emotions I had bottled up for a while. I like to think that I'm a pretty nice person and that I like to help out my friends and be sociable as much as possible but sometimes there are times when I need to be left alone, you know? The fact that stupid people and that second incident (I would never call my friend stupid but maybe a little careless since she should have known better) occurred and then the mouse incident being icing on the cake, I completely felt like having an emotional meltdown. It reminded me of all the times of why I HATE being lied to. I haven't told a lot of people this but the reason that I hate people lying to me is that my mom lied to me so many times when I grew up. They weren't white or petty lies-those I could let go. But what she told me were major lies-those which if she had chosen to tell me the truth, my life would be so much different than it is now. I'm not saying that I'm not grateful for what I have now but I wish I hadn't had people whom I'm supposed to love and trust lie to me and then justify it. I know I should forgive my mom for that and part of me has but the other part I suppose hasn't and I'm not sure if I can do so completely-at least not right now. So when I see a certain idiot lie to people again and again and again and then the brainwashed completely believe this person, it reminds me of memories with my mom that I'd rather forget.

Also, it makes me sad to even think this but when I see such stupidity, it makes me not believe in God or any higher power. As the case is, I have a very loose belief in God. This reminds me of an episode in Supernatural where Dean is brought back from Hell by an angel who works for God. Like Dean really can't fathom there being a God because so many bad things happen to good people. If there wasn't a God, then having bad things happen to good people, that's life. But knowing that there's a God and yet bad things still happen to good people, yeah, that's hard to swallow. (Sorry for bringing up the religion reference but that's honestly how I feel.)

Finally, with the stupidity, I think to myself, "Whatever happened to saying your opinion without getting persecuted for it?" It's never happened here (thank goodness) but on certain sites, people can't say HOW THEY FEEL without getting harassed for it. And yet there are those who turn a blind on this, who refuse to see the truth for what it is. Just makes me sick.

It all cumulated in me having my emotional outburst and crying in bed. Now I see that it's almost 1:30 a.m. and I can tell that I'm not going to wake up feeling refreshed in the morning. I'll probably have to take the day off from work. Just as well, though. Maybe the break will do some good.

Anyway, so there's my rant. I needed to let that all out and I feel a little better. Now let's see if I can get any sleep tonight.

Awww phoenix. I am so sorry for this. Let me give you a hug.

I am so sorry you are feeling so down but before I say anything, I want to comfort you and tell you that there are no bad people who don't get punished. No matter how long they may seem winning, there will be a stop for their bad deeds and a grand punishment, even if it seems impossible or like it's taking forever. I've seen it happen so trust me.

Regarding your problem about the consumer rights and that idiot saying that it's not right and how this is untrue, then you can clearly know that that idiot is not only rude, but also stupid. I mean, it's not matter of arguing or anything but just calculating it with mind, it's easy and pretty clear. You go buy something with money, and if you don't like it, you can give it back and have your money back; it's pretty easy and clear. It's sad to see such stupid idiots out there but there is no need to think much about it.

phoenix, like I said before, do your best to ignore whatever stupidity that idiot does, cause many - if not all - know how rude and how stupid that person is. And there is no way that person won't get his/her punishment. You do remember that PM you sent me yesterday and what was in it and that was only a beginning. Slowly, things will be clear to everyone and then justice will be done. Life is hard but in the end, everyone gets what he/she deserves.

Now regarding your mouse, I don't think that is a major trouble with the mouse or anything because it happens to me sometimes. I know how those computer problems can get really annoying but all we can do is take it in.

Also, I am pretty sorry for what happened to you on Facebook and all but you shouldn't think much of it. I do understand how much you have worked hard to get those items on the applications and all but it's ok. Look at the shining side. Perhaps working on them again and playing hard for them can make you not only get them back, but even get nicer results and have better grades.

Regarding your friend on YIM, though, all I can do is . Yeah, people can be really rude and bad at times. Perhaps next time you should say something to embrass her with like "Excuse me, but I have work to do so I can't really talk now." or something like that. People, usually, get embarrassed then and leave. (And if you did, I doubt she would do it again.)

Overall, I am so sorry, phoenix, but we all have times and days like these. All what we can do is just trust ourselves and remind ourselves that we have friends who support and care for us, no matter how many enemies and rivals we may have. Because like they say, as much as we have got enemies, as much more as we have got friends. (Okay, no saying exists but I just made it up. lol)

So trust in yourself, phoenix and just one last thing. Not bringing up any religional talk or anything, but phoenix, you shouldn't let such events affect you and affect your faith. The world has a creator and even though bad things happen to good people, sometimes there is a reason behind it like rewarding those good people with something better later or because those good people may have been bad in the past or have some hidden bad secrets. Now I quit here.

Now here is a hug from me again and I hope you feel better soon, phoenix.

@Phoenix

So sorry to hear about your bad day. I understand how it feels when things like the stupid people don't take suggestions well and dismissing it off in a rude manner. That just make them look and sound "stupidier", don't you think so?

Well...like that joke about "What computers think of us?" Answer:"Intel inside, idiot outside" Well after having to see so many unpleasant people that you can't help get mad or feel like hexing them with your most poisonous curses...I can say that there will always be idiots of all sort all over the world and you can poof them away that easily (get rid of one and more will show up at your door) Sometimes you just have to deal with it by letting things go as I see no point in dealing with such people (depending on the situation) if nothing you say or do changes any of the circumstances.

As for refund for dissatisfied products, there are some companies that try to avoid refunds or claims of malfunctioning products, they do not offer any guarantee or they just simply say (in extremely tiny text somewhere) that goods sold are not refundable and returnable and so on. This is why we as a consumer have to be careful of such things. People can try to cheat by twisting what they say and if we as the consumer can't handle this on our own, we should get someone who is familiar with consumer's rights and get the appropriate help.

Whoever that was who dismissed your comment, forget about that person. Ruminating on the incident will just bring unpleasant feelings. If the company refuse to have the refund thing, it'll be their loss if unsatisfied customers were to leave altogether. That would hurt their business.

As for the reason behind why you dislike lies and trickery, I'm sorry to hear what your mother did to you and it has clearly left quite an impact on your life as it challenges you on issues related to trust once someone had betrayed your trust. I can't say much on this subject as I do not know you very well as others do and I do not know what happened between you and your mother, but this is something I feel that you would need to work on to bring closure to what had happen or it will remain as a painful memory that would continue to haunt you when similar incidents happen in the future.

As for faith and God issue. Well, I understand how you feel about seeing so many negative things around us and wonder whether is God there when all we see are just more and more destruction. I personally believe that good would prevail and all these destruction we see is part of the devil's or evil force (depending on what people believe) that is at work to break our faith (in whatever religion or believe we hold) and to make us miserable as that seems to be what makes them (devil and whatever evil forces out there) happy. I try to keep a positive view of life by taking all the horrible events and experience as a challenge to overcome and to grow as an individual emotionally, mentally and psychologically as I believe that without trials and tribulation one would not be able to grow or discover hidden potential or strengths that lie dormant within us.

On a lighter note...on friends who don't understand what "BUSY" and the "busy" sign means...I've seen that a lot. I even have to put death threats to keep them away and still some still have to poke me. I forgive them if they can't read but that's not possible isn't it? I'm only merciful to "first time offenders". I once got a friend who interrupted my report writing with 3 phone calls and I was ready to scold, shout, scream (whichever comes out first) if she called again. I was extremely busy with finishing my report and she had to ask how to do certain things that the report require and worse of all she didn't seemed to get what I tried to tell her. She even poked on MSN and would not wait and kept buzzing me (that definitely gets on my nerves). Since such incident where these people who can't seemed to read the "I'm busy" or "DND - do not disturb" warnings, so I'll just close their conversation windows and put them on my block/ignore list until I have the patience to deal with them. If they try to contact me on my cellphone, I'll just switch it off it that's what it takes. I'm mean/evil, am I not? LOL...

Well, I hope you'll feel better soon. If you need to chat or anything, you know where to find me (just ask me if I'm free if you're not sure if I am )

Hi all,

Thanks for the comfort and words of advice. I'm feeling better than I was a couple of days ago. It was such a bad day when I posted that and I really needed to let all those emotions and such out.

On the good news, I did talk to my friend about what happened and she did apologize for what happened. She now knows not to poke me on IM when I really am busy and all. And well, regarding that idiot, unfortunately, she's still being an idiot and even got to the point of accusing someone of lying when they happened to point out that there are consumer laws to protect customers and all. That made some of my friends upset because that idiot just went way too far and so they all jumped in to prove that she was wrong. (And fortunately, one of my friends specializes in the area of which there was a debate on whether a refund can be made so she knows for sure and I am right in what I said.) I really do hope that she's not going to make it a point to continue arguing because she'll only make herself look stupid in the end.

And yeah, on the religion thing, at best, it wavers for me because of all the stupidity I see in the world. I suppose when things tip in a good way, then I can have a stronger belief. I suppose I'm one of those who needs to see the proof for myself. (The science background part of me. lol)

But anyway, I'm feeling much better. Thanks, all. ^^

Well, I'm not really sure if this is a rant. lol It's more like I'm annoyed at someone because he/she happened to annoy some of my friends, which gets me annoyed. (The domino effect, I suppose. lol) I'll feel better once I've had my say on this and hopefully, if a certain someone out there reads this at some point, he/she will finally get the message, as I don't wish to confront this person about the issue.

Now on another site, some of my friends happen to frequent it. Sometime back, there was this one idiot who kept arguing with my friends because they happened to not like a certain product. Now maybe it's just me but I don't have an issue if people don't like something as long as the negative criticism is constructive and all and doesn't resort to personal attacks. The negative criticisms that my friends gave were constructive. However, this idiot had the nerve to continue arguing back at them, practically forcing them to accept that their opinion was wrong. I mean, sheesh. -_- This idiot might as well have put a gun to my friends' heads and shot the trigger. I mean, that's how stupid this person was. And what makes things worse is that I happen to know this idiot. I wouldn't say we're close friends but I thought he/she wasn't that type of person. Guess I was wrong. To put it nicely, I'd say that this person is highly misguided although I really want to call him/her an idiot for continuing to defend something that doesn't deserve it. I mean, I know more about that situation than this person does and if he/she were to know the whole story, maybe he/she might think differently although part of me is doubtful of that.

Anyway, then to top that (if that's possible), on another place I don't go to (thank goodness), this one idiotic admin had the nerve to say that no one is allowed to post any negative criticisms about so-and-so. (I'd be more specific but honestly, I'm a bit afraid that if word got around about this, the idiots might attack me. They have no shame in attacking innocent people and harassing them through email, etc. -_-) Now that just ticked me off and it ticked off one of my friends who goes there (although she admits that she doesn't go there much because she's really hated how stupid the admins are when it comes to making poor decisions, using people and then throwing them away like trash, etc.). To me, this is really disturbing because this is curbing free speech in all forms. I mean, if this happened in a dictatorship, then I can see it happening but meh, we live in a free world (well, most areas of the world are free lol). What's even more depressing is how there are members who are so blind to this behavior and refuse to see how evil certain people are. (Now before anyone says that calling someone evil is a bit far-and normally, I do agree but I'm making exceptions-let me explain how I define an evil person. Someone who pretends to be all nice and sweet on the outside but on the inside is just plain mean-for instance, making false accusations against innocent people, harassing them, threatening them, etc.-is what I consider to be evil.)

Well, I needed to rant all of that out and I hope that somehow justice will be served very soon to the idiots. I like to believe that there is balance in life and that bad, evil people get exactly what they deserve and I know that if they get that, then there will be justice in the world and my soul can finally rest in peace.

That's my two cents and yeah, I just had to say all of that. lol

Oh goodness, I just read all of it and I can't believe this. Actually idiocy has no limits. I really can't believe how stupid people can be at times, even if the wrong is clearly clear in front of them. But it's clear that those people on that site don't value freedom. I was especially amazed at that where one of the admins said that negative criticisms are not allowed to be posted. I mean, come on. Are they just posting their products just to hear people cheering for it?

But yeah, idiots are idiots. They will never understand. >.>

Yeah, that's totally right. You know, when my friend and I were talking about this yesterday, I was thinking that the idiotic admin is trying to protect a certain someone's feelings by this form of censorship but honestly, it's going to cause more harm in the long run than anything else. But at least, there's nothing to prevent people from saying negative things about the product on other sites although those idiots try to silence people on them, too.

And I suppose I may be a bit sensitive when it comes to freedom and all but it's just that I happen to live in a country that was once very close to losing its freedom so I always remember that and value freedom and treasure it always. I think certain idiots in first world countries take that freedom for granted. Maybe they should move to the dictatorship areas and leave us freedom loving people alone. lol

Yup, I totally understand. I honestly think that criticism shouldn't be "hurting someone's feelings" though. I mean, when someone makes something, he/she should be expecting all kinds of criticisms and not just expect hugs and kisses. There are people who would like it, and others who wouldn't. They should understand that. Nobody can make something perfect, honestly.

Yup, that's true. After all, if things were made perfectly, then we wouldn't be human.

I suppose with this product, the negative criticisms have been voiced more loudly this time. But then it's really all that person's fault for trying something new when on a certain level, he/she should have realized that some people may not like the idea in the first place. I mean, if that thought never occurred to this person, he/she must be pretty stupid. lol And I think it's ok if not everyone likes an idea but meh, disturbing that there are those who try to force others to like an idea or tell them that they can't say anything negative. Like it's fine for someone to say not to say anything negative that resorts in personal attacks but if it's constructive criticism, I don't see anything wrong with that.

Right, so I need to let out something. No, A LOT of things. I am hurting, badly. I am really crying as I am writing this and literally. I can't stand hiding this anymore. It's hurting badly.

In the past few days, I don't know. I've been trying to be happy, cheerful and whatnot but I am always failing. I keep trying to see the good things, ignore whatever annoys me and try to enjoy the last of the summer holiday. But nothing was working, nothing. I felt up to do nothing at all so I didn't push myself. I tried to have fun, I slacked, I read stories and I tried to enjoy myself. But nothing worked. My life wouldn't let me. My parents - no, let's say my MOTHER - didn't want me to enjoy myself at all. She always yelled at me, telling me "to stop putting my life in the internet" and go help her. But I always did what she wanted. When she wanted me to go buy stuff and groceries for her, I went immediately and without a word. I always got her what she wanted, from the place she wanted and was always honest with her with the money and time and everything. When she wanted me to clean the house, I did without speaking. I did everyday without complaining. When she wanted me to wash dishes or take care of some laundry, I always did. I did EVERYTHING she ASKED me to. I even tried to do some of her stuff without her asking so that she wouldn't feel that I am not helping. Was that not enough? Did I let anything or neglect the housework she gave me?

But that was not really enough for her. No matter what I do, she yells at me just because I spend "too much time" on the internet. She looks furious just because I am sitting in front of the comp. She always keeps yelling that "I was born for the internet" and "I am good for nothing but the internet", and sometimes even worse. She says that I am such a failure, dirtiness and many other dirty insults. At first they hurt a lot but with time, as she used to say them more and more, I like...got used to them. They still hurt but not as much, but I was already used to hearing myself insulted once, twice and thrice from the same person.

It's like...just because I eat and sleep well (at least from the looks of it to her anyway) she thinks that I have nothing to worry about, no troubles at all. She thinks that when I am comp, I am always playing and having fun, with no worries on my mind. But that isn't true. I have my own personal troubles, too, and I worry about them much. I don't sleep mind free of troubles. I cry and I have feelings, too. Now here is what happened today that really hurt me and triggered all the feelings out.

We were laying the table for lunch, so I asked her how many of those things we put hot things on should I take. She said I should take one. I was surprised since I thought, from the food we have, that we're going to take to but whatever, I took one and put it. Later, she asked me, "Why did you put just one? Did you forget that we have to put that, too?" so I was about to answer her that she told me to put only one when she suddenly yelled "Don't lie! If you forgot say you did but stop lying!" I was hurt and I cried but she accused me clearly of lying when I didn't lie. Do you know what she did? She yelled at me "And you're crying, you liar!"

How am I supposed to feel about that, honestly? But that was light. I passed it on and tried to forget. Just a little later, we were preparing to go out so she told me to go iron one of my blouses-my favorite one. She told me to set it on a certain number but I told her that I was doubtful whether the type of the cloth would take in the heat; she told me just to do it. I set it to the number she said and just as I put the iron-er on the blouse, it burned and caused a stain. My mother just got the hell outta me now and said that I burnt it as well as blurting out all her dirty insults again!

So this is how I live. She tells me to do something and I do it without a word even though I know it's wrong. When the results are bad, it comes on my head and she keeps saying really hurtful stuff on me. I suck it up and I never talk back-I try to anyway. Did I do anything wrong? Just because I am 13 and I don't have 100% responsibility on everything, that doesn't mean I don't have feelings or that I am worry-free. I have my own personal troubles as well that I think of and care for.

I always try to tolerate the idea that she doesn't like me using the comp/internet, but if she only knows that it's all I have in this world. I have no friends in real life and no way to make some, my relatives live far away and I don't get to see them except a month a year. I don't know anyone outside my parents and brother. I sometimes feel useless in real life, with no personality or importance at all. But online, I feel I am something. I can make stuff, draw, write stories, create games and better, have true and nice friends to stay by my side when I need them. It makes me feel that I have an importance, that someone actually cares for me.

Sigh. Am I wrong in what I said? Sometimes I believe that I am just over reacting and that my mother has every right to treat me the way she does. I am not going to lie-my mother has a great importance in home and she take cares of most of things. When she is in a good mood, she can be quite nice and a happy person. But usually, she believes that she is always right and perfect while the whole world is wrong. But does that give her a right to do what she is going to me? Am I being unreasonable?

I am glad at least I could let something out. Usually I hide my feelings but this just has been hurting for too much. I am a bit better now after freeing some emotion.



Also, for the sake of cheering myself up a little...

Spoiler:

O_O Man, I wish Eagle was there to comfort you, Love. But hopefully, I can do. First off, a hug.

You know, it sounds like your mom is worse than mine was. I thought my mom was pretty bad, too, and in some ways, she is (with the lying thing and justifying it-which is why I can't stand when certain people make that same argument). But since this is about you, I want to try to help and hopefully I can.

I'm not sure why your mom would say you spend too much time on the Internet but is it that she's always catching you on the comp when she passes by? I don't think it can cause too much harm spending a lot of time on the comp, considering that some professions do require a lot of comp hours. I have some friends who are computer programmers and this is the case for them. It's not something I would end up doing since I like interacting with people and all but there are those who enjoy having such a profession.

But hmm, is it possible to have a laptop in your room with Internet connection? The reason I say is that you can quickly shut off whatever you're doing if your mom happens to pass by. And perhaps when she sees you, you can try doing other things, like reading a book, cleaning, etc., so she doesn't think you're on the comp all the time?

And on the insults, your mom has no right to do that to you. I know that if I were in your place, I'd be yelling since I definitely would not tolerate that behavior. -_- Have you talked to your dad about it and told him how much it hurts you when your mom does that to you? I wonder if he's aware of this and how much psychological damage your mom is causing. She may not be doing this intentionally and I don't know your mom so there may be something that's fueling her behavior towards you. (Also, I think it's that in our parents' generation, they didn't grow up with Internet so they don't totally get it.) I think your dad should get involved in the matter if he's not aware of this and see if he can do something to make things better. And then (and only if this is the worst case), if the situation stays the same, perhaps you may want to consider living with other relatives if this is possible.

Hmm and on the friends things, yeah, you should try making a point that it's very difficult for you to make friends in real life because of the restrictions placed on you and all. That isn't your fault, either. I mean, I'm sure you don't stay home all day and sleep the day away.

I'm trying to think of what else may help but since I'm on my laptop with only a battery and no AC adapter, I can't stay on long. lol But if none of what I said helps and no one else gives any input into this, I'll see if I can think of something else.

Stay strong, Love, and know that there are people out there who care about you and value you for who you are. ^^

Thanks a lot for the comfort and input, phoenix.

Unfortunately, since we ever got an internet connection, I have been "addicted" to it. My mother was fine with it at first but as time went on, she began like getting jealous of it. It's not like I have the internet stopping my life. I do take care of some of the housework, I study well and I do everything they want at home. So I don't see what problem does she have. At first, she said it was because of my eyes and my short sight that I shouldn't spend too much time on the comp. But about two weeks ago, she went with me to the eye doctor for another eye-check. The doctor said it was completely fine and I may sit whenever I want, as long as I am wearing my glasses. -_-

And although we have a laptop, it's not mine and there is no way I can put my stuff (RPG Maker, Photoshop, etc) on it. She is the one who actually uses it most of time. I also don't have a room. Believe it or not, I sleep in the same bed as my brother at night and in the morning, this room we sleep in is the most one occupied since it has the TV and AC. And my mother clearly knows that I have nothing to do in my free time but to be online since I have nothing else to do or something to take care of.

My dad on the other hand is very different from her. He is kind, understanding, and he doesn't mind that I sit online much as long as it's not hurting my eyes. When I burnt that blouse (because of my mother -.-) he said it's ok, and there is no way I would learn without losing something in the way. (While my mother was yelling and insulting) However, even he can't do anything about it. He is aware of the insults I get, and he has tried to convince my mum to stop speaking dirty words but no use. Unluckily, even he is weak when it comes to my mother. -_- And I am not just close enough to him to go and tell him that it is hurting me.

What really hurts is that I am such a coward. I am pretty sure that if I could get the courage to stand up to my mum and yell at her that she is wrong, I would win this war I am living in. (Well, if she doesn't make another lie, that is) But I am coward. I can never do such a thing for the life of me. And it really pains me that I have no one close enough to me that I can tell my own personal problems that are really troubling me. The only person whom I used to tell is my cousin but that was only when I used to stay with her. But now I am not and I have to just take it all in.

Life, I guess. You can't live it without hurting.