Romance RP

(Woot, congrats. ^^)

Lycoris looked even more worried and tentatively replied, 

"She tried to convince you again not to help them take my powers? Or did-did she try to run away? Umm...or did-did she try to convince you to...umm, give me back my eyesight?"

(Thanks.  ^^)

Matthew took a deep breath and replied, "She didn't try to run away.  Listen, I talked to her for quite a while and I think I got to understand her better.  But first, we should probably get some breakfast and get ready for the day.  Then we can talk."

Lycoris sat up and her worry reaching a peak, she replied,

"No, Matt. What do you mean by understanding her better?"

(Random but I was wondering if you could recommend a game for me to play next on Steam.  I was playing Puzzle Quest but I keep getting stuck on certain quests and I don't really have the patience to continue for now.  lol  So I was wondering-do you think I should play a HOG (since those tend to be relaxing) or switch to a TM?  I was playing the new Delicious game as well until I encountered a loading issue.  I'm at the point where I'm stuck on deciding what game to play.  O.O)

Matthew replied, "Well, let me ask you this.  You've always thought of her as the enemy, right?  Like she isn't a part of you at all?"

(Ahh well, it's totally up to how you feel but I guess a HOG game would be better if it's more relaxing for you and all. XD)

Lycoris furrowed her eyebrows and replied, "Yes, that's how I think of her because that's what she is. It-it isn't like she was there when I was born or something. She's a creature born inside of me because of an accident, completely different from how I am. How could she be part of me?"

(That's true.  Yeah, it's weird to have plenty of games but stuck on which to stick with.  lol  I only have one achievement left in YuGiOh but it's a multiplayer one and there are hardly any people who play the game online.  Well, I guess I could play another VN if I'm totally stuck.  We'll see.  XD)

Matthew nodded and replied, "Yes, I can certainly understand how you can feel that way.  She is quite different from you, that's true.  But when I talked to her and observed her yesterday, there were times that she behaved like you."

He then told Lycoris about the times that he noticed similarities between the two of them.

(Good luck making a decision. XD)

Lycoris was starting to feel more scared than worried as she heard Matthew's words, and her emotions starting to take over, she fearfully replied,

"But-but even if she has some similarities, she has much more differences. Please-please don't compare her to me."

(Thanks.  XD  Well, the Delicious game got an update and it finally works fine so I'm playing it.  XD)

Matthew replied, "That's not what I'm doing.  I just think that the two of you aren't that different but that's not a bad thing.  I mean, maybe you should try a different way of reaching out to her?  I can understand why she's been the way she has, what with everyone else treating her badly."

(I'll get off for the night now and go to sleep but I'll post again tomorrow before I go out for work.  Nite, nite, Love.  ^^)

(Well, they helped you out. XD Nite, nite, phoenix. ^^)

Lycoris shook her head firmly and tearfully replied, 

"But that's not true. She isn't like this because we treated her badly. She is like this from the very beginning, always forcing me away to take control and doing whatever she needed to do to prevent me from sacrificing myself, even though that's what I want. How-how could you defend her?"

She looked disheartened, scared that Matthew was taking her other self's side.

(lol  Indeed.  XD)

Matthew replied, "I'm not taking anyone's side.  I'm trying to understand her better.  I think that almost no one else has tried and has just decided to label her as the enemy.  Lycoris, I want to ask.  Is it truly your wish to sacrifice yourself to save the devils' world?  Or are you doing this only because you believe that you are a burden to everyone?"

Lycoris was surprised by Matthew's question but after overcoming her surprise, she replied tearfully,

"No, I am doing it because I want to help the devils' world. I-I willingly came here on my own, didn't I? If I didn't want to sacrifice myself, I wouldn't have bothered leaving Lisianthus. Is that what my other self has been telling you?"

Matthew replied, "Well, if I understood her correctly, she said something along the lines that you were feeling guilty of hurting others and that you thought that sacrificing yourself is the only one to atone for them.  Lycoris, I want you to be honest, if not with me, then yourself.  Is that how truly feel or has she been lying?"

(I want to ask your opinion about the following.  I've been checking up on the YuGiOh game to get that last achievement-the ranked online one.  But there are hardly any people who do play online and when I do encounter the few who do, they tend to be snobs.  Since I'm unranked, they don't want to bother playing against me and intentionally disconnect.  Of course, this is cheating and I think I should get an automatic win when jerks like that do such things.  Oh and the devs have completely abandoned the game so there's no chance of it getting an update to fix that stupidity.  :/  Anyway, I did post in this one group I joined recently to ask for friends to add me and to help me out although I have no idea how well that will go.  I'm really only playing it to try to get that last achievement and I suppose in the worst case scenario, I could ask Folke although I don't want to do that.  I mean, he wouldn't go easy on me and I wouldn't want him to but yeah.  I don't know if it's worth it to keep trying or just put it in the back of my mind and go back to it sometime when I'm extremely bored or something.  None of my other friends have the game so that is a problem.  :/)

(Ahh I would ignore it and move on if I were you. I mean, it's just an achievement and it's not like Steam rewards players for finishing all achievements of a game or something. It's just a thing to increase playing time but if you can just put it in the back of your mind, I would do that. XD)

Lycoris was silent for a few moments and tears starting to flow down her cheeks, she replied, 

"So what if that's the truth? Even if that's the case and I don't want to live any longer, isn't that my choice? Yes, I feel like I've hurt a lot of people and caused a lot of pain. My existence will continue to do so but once I disappear, everything will go back to normal. So why not? And if I will also end up restoring life to the devils' world, it's even better, right?"

(Ok.  Well, I won't write up a recommendation of the game for now.  It would be great if it were single player and there were no multiplayer aspect but yeah.  XD)

Matthew sighed and replied, "Lycoris, you shouldn't do things because you feel guilty for past actions.  I mean, all of us have done things that we aren't proud of.  No one is perfect, right?  The important thing is that we learn from our mistakes, move past them, and try to live our lives the best we can."

(Well, it's a dueling game so I guess it's natural that there would be a multiplayer aspect but it would be better if it had less snobby players. XD)

Lycoris replied tearfully, "Except for me. I can't go on with my life because others will continue to suffer. Those who want my powers and those who want to hurt others and me because of them. Please, Matthew, this is my decision and I am completely satisfied with it. Please don't let my other self influence you to change your mind."

(Totally.  Well, I'll put it on hold for the time being.  If one of my friends does end up getting the game at some point, I'll ask if they want to duel together.  Anyway, I'm currently playing that Delicious game.  XD)

Matthew replied, "Somehow, the two of you should come to some sort of agreement and mutual understanding.  That way, what you decide, it's what all of you wants.  I think you deserve to live a full and happy life, regardless of your past.  You have the chance to and I can see why your other self doesn't like that you wish to get rid of the both of you."

(That's better, I think and it's way more relaxing. XD)

Lycoris shook her head defiantly and replied,

"No, it's just me who decides. She-she wasn't supposed to be. She is just a fake me, trying to claim that she's a part of me to get what she wants but I-I am not like that. Please stop calling her as though she is a part of me. Please stop."

She broke in tears, unable to stand this any longer.

(Totally.  XD  Ahh yeah, I had another question.  lol  For the site that I'm working to edit reviews on, I didn't get my Steam keys for last month's work.  I asked one of the owners at the beginning of August and he said that we should get them soon but it's almost two weeks so I'd like your opinion on how long I should wait.  I don't want to sound impatient but at the same time, I don't want to feel like I'm doing all that work and getting nothing in return, you know?)

Matthew wrapped his arms around Lycoris and hugging her, he replied, "I'm sorry.  I'll stop talking about it, ok?  I'll drop this.  Just try to calm down, ok?"

(Hmm I think you should wait until the beginning of the next month. Then that would be definitely way too late as it would be time for the next month's keys and you haven't even received last month's ones, if you know what I mean and all. ^^)

Lycoris continued crying and shaking her head, she replied, 

"Why did you listen to her? I-I thought I could depend on you. I-I thought you were the only one who didn't listen to her and believed me."

(Ahh ok, sounds good.  I do have plenty of games to play in the meantime so it's all good.  Thanks.  ^^)

Matthew replied, "I do believe in you, Lycoris.  I really do.  I just want to understand the entire situation better, which is why I listened to her.  But I guess I don't understand as much as I thought.  I'm sorry.  I feel like I let you down."

He hung his head down, feeling ashamed of himself.

(Getting sleepy so I'll get off for the night now and go to sleep.  I'll check back tomorrow and post before I go out and all.  Nite, nite, Love.  ^^)

(Nite, nite, phoenix. ^^)

Lycoris continued crying for a little more but she returned Matthew's hug then, and after calming down a little, she quietly said,

"It-it's ok, Matt. I-I know you don't mean to hurt me. But please try to understand me? Imagine that suddenly, some personality showed up in your body and she wants to control your fate although she's completely different. It's really stressful."

Matthew nodded and replied, "Yes, I can imagine.  You haven't had much control over your life, have you?"

He had to rethink things and wonder how everything would work out.

(Question but is that other personality really separate from Lycoris or is she another part of her but one that even she doesn't acknowledge?)

(Ahh let's say she developed slowly. She started out as a fraction of her mind but slowly developed into a separate personality that's gaining more strength from Lycoris' powers. But she absorbed a lot of things from Lycoris' inner thoughts, ones that she doesn't acknowledge. I hope that makes sense. XD)

Lycoris nodded and replied quietly,

"It's not like I chose to have my powers and yes, I-I guess part of me wishes that things didn't have to end like this. But it's my choice, my decision. I don't deserve to suffer even more because of a personality suddenly born inside of me that wants to control me."

(Ahh ok, I understand.  XD)

Matthew nodded and replied, "Yeah, I can understand that.  I admit that I don't understand much about the workings of the mind.  I sent a letter to a colleague about your condition and I hope to hear back from him soon."

(If I'm slow in posting btw, it's because I'm gaming as well.  The weather is finally really nice and I hope it stays that way.  ^^)

(Ahh no problem. Sorry for the delay, btw. My internet has been acting up recently. :/)

Lycoris nodded and worriedly asked, "Do you think my other self will take over again soon? I am surprised she even gave me back control in the first place."