It was late at night, quite late that her husband was sleeping soundly by her side. The darkness was covering the room, yet she sat up in bed, carefully looking around and occasionally glancing at her sleeping husband, just to check if he were still in place. She’d see him sleeping still and she’d continue looking around suspiciously.
Why was she like that? Why couldn’t she sleep? No, she needed to stop asking those questions to herself. She knew exactly why she couldn’t sleep. Of course, she was afraid he’d leave her. She was afraid that if she slept soundly and carefree, he’d slowly climb out of bed and go out of the room, heading to her room.
Her room. Lycoris.
Just remembering the girl brought a frown to her face and a shiver to her body. Why was she doing that? Why was she being like that? She had almost changed her mind about her. She had almost started to like her and to understand her. How could she not?
She attacked her. She slashed her eyes. She took away her most valuable possession-her eyes. Those blue eyes that she was complimented the most for. Those eyes that were the windows she had to the outside world, and with which she longed to see the world very much. She had taken them away and who knows when she’d be able to see again, if she would at all?
She had rendered her a useless, blind, disabled girl, completely dependent on others to do even the most basic things. Yes, she had done that to her and how many times she had regretted it, especially after witnessing her reaction and how she seemed to forgive her immediately.
“How could you be…? I just made you lose your sight, Lycoris! I just made you…I-I made you…”
A smile escaped Lycoris’ face, and she softly replied, “I-I know but…what is the use of my sight now, Nerine? You are going back to Alex and you are going to stay with him forever. I’ll be always here inside. There is nothing to see here, is there?”
Nerine’s eyes widened. “You mean that…? What do you mean by that?”
Lycoris groaned a little, perhaps in pain of the slashed eyes she had then, breathed a little quicker but contained herself. Replying, she said,
“You heard me. You have Alex now. If you love him so much and want him only for yourself, I-I…I don’t want to stand in the way of your happiness.”That memory made her shiver and get angry in the same time. She believed her. She was ready to make things up for her. She had spent so many sleepless nights, thinking over what she’d done to her sister and feeling guilty for it. Many times did she go inside to check over her, watch her from far as she trembled and cuddled to herself and sometimes moaned in pain and agony. Many times did she think about approaching her and offering to help her, but then feared her husband’s reaction.
Would he forgive her? Or would he get upset at her? So upset that he might break up with her? Having those thoughts in her head would prevent her from saying anything, and she’d leave, the guiltiness never leaving her.
But she was deceived. She’d been naïve to have such thoughts. Lycoris was Lycoris; she was never going to change. After she had almost trusted her, she betrayed her trust and broke her heart. She tried to take him away again. She tried to take her husband again, and was almost successful at it. No, she was being successful at it.
She thought she was honest this time. She agreed to let her out willingly, holding on to her promise that she’d remain away from him. Yet the moment she returned, she found him back in love with her again, his heart beating for her, and ignoring his very own wife for her sake.
She felt deceived and hurt. When she had thought that she could change and they could have a normal relationship, she back-stabbed her. She used every opportunity to make her husband fall in love with her over again and almost took his heart away. This was how she kept her promise to stay away?
But this was it. She wasn’t going to let him go again. No, never. She wasn’t going to lose him again. She loved him so much. So much; he was her whole life. The only reason she was able to go on, the only hope for happiness after she had lost her world, her family and her friends. She loved him so much.
Her eyes turned to the man sleeping peacefully by her side. He looked so peaceful, so innocent that if she simply looked at him without thinking of anything, she’d fall in love with him all over again. But then she’d remember everything he’d done to her and she’d feel a deep, piercing pain in her heart. It hurt so much.
He wasn’t innocent either. No, he too was guilty. He broke her heart so many times. He lied to her too many times. He had betrayed her twice, and she forgave him. She wanted things to work for them. She pushed aside how she felt and looked forward to a fruitful future with him. But then that
Lycoris would show up again and he’d completely change once more, pushing her aside and lying to her over and over just to give his attention to that girl.
She failed to understand why. What did Lycoris have that she did not? Blue eyes? She had got rid of those. An innocent, sweet smile? She could smile like that, too, if he asked her. She would do everything for him, serve his every need. Yet he’d prefer that girl over her?
She loved him so much. Despite everything that he'd done to her, all those lies and mean actions. Why did he fail to appreciate that love, understand it? Why did he take it for granted, continuing to trash it and step over it then expect it would be all the same in the end? Her love for him never faltered and she failed to understand why herself, but she was a living being. Did he expect her to always remain the same, no matter what his actions are?
She started trembling slightly but hugged her knees close to her and tried to keep her calm. The tears streamed down her face but she made sure to weep silently. She felt so down, so desperate. At times like these, she’d wake him up and ask for his warmth and love. Or she’d just cuddle to him as he slept and feel better just being close to him.
But how could she do that when he was the cause of her pain and misery, along with that witch? How could she when she could no longer trust him? When she no longer felt safe in his arms? When he was the reason why she was awake in the first place, trembling in the middle of the night because she was afraid that the moment she’d close her eyes, he’d leave her side to go to Lycoris?
She continued to weep, making sure to not let a sound be heard. He didn’t love her anymore, right? He was just doing this out of pity, probably, or guiltiness, perhaps. How long would this go on? He’d always have eyes for Lycoris, right? And she’d continue feeling heartbroken and unsafe always, right? She’d never be able to sleep peacefully, or remain safely in his arms. She’d always feel like he’d betray her, one moment or the other.
Her mind drifted again to her sister. How could she do that to her? How could she do it? How could she steal her husband’s heart again in such a short time? How could she take away all his attention and love so quickly, when she’d been working for a long time to rebuild their relationship? How could she do it? How could she have had the heart to back-stab her like that again?
She frowned to herself and the hatred inside her heart for that so-called sister grew. She no longer felt any pity for her. If her blindness and weakness didn’t prevent her from trashing her sister and continuing to hurt her, why should she care? She might act innocent and loving and fool everyone as she wished, but she wasn’t going to fool her. She knew what a snake lay under that nice, innocent cover and she wasn’t going to let that snake win over her.
She regretted ever feeling pity for her, or thinking once that they could actually have a sisterly, loving relationship. She had to get rid of her, one way or the other. She knew that Alex loved her but he loved a snake he was fooled by, and she wasn’t going to let that continue.
She eventually managed to calm down and stop crying. She quietly laid down and watching Alex quietly as he slept, she thought to herself,
I know that you might be infatuated with her. You love her, I know. Maybe more than you ever loved me. Maybe you don’t even love me anymore. But I love you. I love you so much and one day, you’ll see what a cruel, ugly thing she really is. You’ll see. --------------------
So I wrote this just to explain Nerine's feelings towards Lycoris and how she truly felt during everything. XD
Note that this story was before Alex's and Nerine's last fight then amends, so her feelings towards Alex are slightly different now. But her feelings towards Lycoris are pretty much the same, if not worse. =D
I might write another story soon too to clarify things more.
Now the question is, why does inspiration come only when college or school starts? D=
lol Anyhow, enjoy. XD
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