The Advice and Suggestions Thread

Hi all,

I came up with this idea for a thread here. Basically, it's all about some advice and suggestions. Having a tough time coming up with a solution for a problem? Or unable to decide something? Even if it's as simple as choosing what to wear when going out next time, you can still post it and we will help you. ^^

That's it for now. Keep the posts coming if you need any advice!

Hi Love,

I like this idea and I'll be the first to post in this thread. lol Well, to be honest, I have been thinking about this problem for a long time but certain things (especially something that happened last night) triggered me to want to do something about it, to at least have closure and all that.

So here's my problem. (I won't name people involved out of respect and all that.) I feel that one of my friends (an online friend) is a bit of a hypocrite and a fake person. Now for those who know me, I can't stand hypocrites and fake people. (This has to do with something major that happened between my mom and me-something that's very difficult to forgive her for and I'm not sure if I can forgive her in my lifetime.) Anyway, so here's why I think this friend is who I think he is. We've been friends for about 2-3 years and I thought I knew this person. He's a bit on the religious side so I thought he was one of those people who always wants to do what's right, sees the good in people, etc.

Now a little over a year ago, this is what triggered me to think otherwise. I had been brutally attacked on another site and my personal character attacked, which brought me to tears. I had been harassed through PMs and bullied to the point that I no longer felt it enjoyable to go that place. And then after I left, I found out some horrible things about the owner of that site that makes me glad now that I no longer go there. (I won't list all of the things that owner is but let's just say that I don't want my students or any future children to EVER look up to her as a role model.) So my friend, if he was my friend, I felt that he should have said something publicly or at least asked those who bullied and harassed me to stop. Instead, he did NOTHING. He just sat there (figuratively speaking) and allowed the bullies to win in the end. Also, he told me privately that almost no one wanted me in a certain position. Now how is that supposed to make me feel?! (Sorry for the exclamation point at the end but it does make me upset when I think about that point.) I mean, the last thing you want to hear from a friend is something stupid like that. If it had been one of the bullies, I wouldn't have felt as much hurt from that.

So sometime back, I did try to explain this to him (indirectly) but I think he must be really stupid. -_- Like he apologized for not doing anything but his explanation didn't satisfy me. He was almost justifying the bullies and that ticked me off, to say the least. So I'm having this dilemma. I'm seriously considering removing him as a friend altogether and no longer having any contact with him. This isn't something easy for me to even think about. But it's just that for me, I don't want to be surrounded by friends who are basically liars and hypocrites. (Even recently, on Facebook, I had no choice but to remove a "friend" because she wouldn't stop raving about a certain place. It highly annoyed me that she continued to do so since I go on Facebook to get away from any talk about it. ) But I don't know. Part of me doesn't want to give him up as a friend but the other part of me doesn't want to continue pretending that everything is ok when that's not how I feel at all. Like he continues contacting me and wondering how I am and all that when honestly, I'd be happier being left alone. Now I'm not saying that I only want to be surrounded by friends who agree with me all the time. (That would be ridiculous since I'd have very few friends then. lol) But I do want friends who are honest with me and can be respectful in giving their honest opinions at the same time. (I've removed some friends because they couldn't be respectful.)

I wonder if I ask too much. Should I still be friends with this person or just cut off all contact with him? I don't want to continue feeling this negative energy but I don't know. (And sorry that this post had to be such a deep thinking one. There was something that happened yesterday that triggered this. lol) Anyway, if anyone can help (and be honest and respectful at the same time), that would be great. Thanks. ^^

I know how you feel, phoenix, and I am sorry you had to feel this. I am not really sure what advice I can give but have you tried talking to this person directly? Like, try to let your feelings in a message, talking directly but not necessarily angrily or something. Just politely and being honest. Perhaps that person isn't really a bad person or a fake one, but just when he likes to do the "right thing", it might not be right at all although he sees it as one.

I think it's better to try talking directly first to him and see how things go. If that person gets it and stops, then the problem is solved without really having to break things off. If not, well, I think it's somewhat up to you about how you feel about the situation.

(Btw, sorry for the late reply. I had this window open for more than half an hour but too lazy to actually write anything. Pardon me. xD)

(lol It's ok on the late reply. I do that, too, at times. XD)

Well, I did try talking to this person directly sometime back and explained why I thought his actions hurt me more than helped but I think he didn't really get it. And then it just seemed to me like he wanted to brush this off and have us be friends before all of the stupidity happened. I mean, maybe some people operate that way but that's not me. I mean, I can't turn off my feelings like a light switch. lol Like honestly, I don't feel as close to him in a friends way than before all of that happened but maybe in a way, it was a good thing it happened since it revealed to me who my true friends are?

I think you can probably figure who I'm talking about and I guess it's something that's been weighing on my mind. Part of me wants to tell him that I don't really want to talk to him for some time and pretend that things are ok but I think he may not give me my space and take the wrong idea? Man, even I'm confusing myself. O_O

Yup, I know who are you talking about. Hmm I am not really sure about what to do here. It depends on how much that person talks to you, I guess. I mean, if he talks to you very often to the point where you can't take it anymore I guess the choice will be to break things off with him. But if he talks to you rarely/sometimes, try to ignore the feelings a little and move on? I am not sure what do to be honest. o.o

Hmm well, maybe I can try not replying to his messages and see if he gets the hint? Although that would be rude but at the moment, it's the only idea I have to deal with things. O_O

(BTW, I just noticed your new title. I absolutely love it. )